Luckily, Fox Sports is ready for her close-up, too, and flashes close-up after close-up of America's Honey Baked Ham as she gasps and groans at her husband's gaffes. Cutely clad in a fur-lined camel's hair coat and a cozy black headband, America's Little Dumpling is ready for her close-up. It also helps that she's married to Redskins quarterback Tim Hasselbeck, and that she attends Redskins games with professionally applied makeup and smooth, shiny hair that looks like it's been prepped for a Pantene commercial despite the wind and weather. Who says "Survivor" survivors never amount to anything more than Schick razor shills and speakers on the college circuit? Of course, it helps that Elisabeth is "absolutely adorable," as one man I know put it, right before he got kicked in the shins very hard. America is such a shameless whore.) Elisabeth from "Survivor" is now the resident young hottie on "The View."
Hey, did you know that America's Sweetheart just got a promotion? (Well, one of America's Sweethearts. "Pretty damn funny" should be reserved for shows that make you laugh out loud a lot: "The Office," "The Larry Sanders Show," "The View". OK, last week I called it pretty damn funny, but I had probably just eaten something sugary. Even "Arrested Development," which everyone seems to love and adore and cherish like a lost puppy, is just kinda funny. Nothing is all that funny these days, let's face it. Wait - why is he going to his room? Get him back out here! We need him!
Have him spout Shakespeare, I don't care! The kid is a riot. Thompson is up to the task, though, so much so that not only didn't I mind that he was spewing adult witticisms, soon I was hungering for increasingly sophisticated quips. See how much people miss the '80s, that they long for a wisecracking black boy to lead them? Bobb'e J. Of course, the real reason to check out this show is for the younger kid, the little smartass ready to give Arnold and Webster a run for their money. But Morgan did grow up in the 'hood, so what do you want him to do? Pretend to be a white, middle-aged Jewish woman from Queens? Sure, that old ghetto-background thing has been worn pretty thin by "Good Times" wannabes. Morgan is great delivering blunt lines like this one, and the blank look on the kid's face seals the deal. Then one day, Maria got shot in the neck."
Everybody said she was too beautiful for me. "Look, before your mother, I knew this girl named Maria," he says. In one scene, he sits shy son Derrick (Marc John Jefferies) down to warn him against chasing a girl at school who is about a foot taller than he is, and who hit puberty years ago. "The Tracy Morgan Show" is uneven and often contrived, but Morgan is pretty likable as a dad, and the writing at least has teeth, particularly when he's delivering words of wisdom to his kids. Just to put it into perspective, the supposed hit of CBS's season "Two and a Half Men" - it's the one with Charlie Sheen and a smart-mouthed kid - features jokes so hackneyed and story lines so strained in their pursuit of wacky mayhem that it's practically unwatchable. Unfortunately, though, that's not saying much. Fortunately, "The Tracy Morgan Show," which premiered Tuesday night, is a lot better than at least half of the sitcoms on the air right now.
SOUTH PARK DUM DUM DUM SONG TV
Morgan left "SNL" in August, not to pursue a mediocre film career like so many other "SNL" veterans, but to pursue a mediocre TV career instead. All we need is to tweak the lyrics a bit."Saturday Night Live" veteran Tracy Morgan was never roll-in-the-aisles funny on that show, but between his tweaked, pouty delivery and the absurd glee of skits like "Astronaut Jones," he managed to at least bring a little original weirdness to an increasingly predictable venue. You're right - it's the only choice, particularly when you realize what his nickname is in Argentina, and that his predecessor features in verse four.